Second of Fifty Is Not That Bad

I was recently contemplating a move to Boston and one of the enticing factors was the liberal Massachusetts politics. Now, I have more incentive to stay in California. Thanks to the California Supreme Court (not a statement I thought I would be making) same-sex marriage is now legal in California.

A few years ago, I made a pact with myself that I would not get married until it was legal for everyone in the United States. I had come to terms with the fact that this promise may mean that I never tie the knot. I am not picking out a wedding dress or a cake anytime soon. I am not even eyeing a groom, but this step means that same-sex marriage may be U.S. legal institution in my lifetime.

The California Supreme Court decision brings me particular joy because same-sex marriage is an issue that I had hoped would be at the forefront of the democratic campaign come November. Seeing as the unelectable Kucinich was the only democratic candidate actively for the legalization of same-sex marriage, the national election won’t be contending with such extreme liberal issues as marriage equality. Even though opponents are urging a delay in the implementation of this ruling until the November election, at least my native state government saw fit to take a step in the right direction for human rights. I only hope that in 30 years students will learn about the time when the US didn’t allow same-sex marriage with the same detached disbelief that many students feel today when learning about miscegenation laws in the U.S. One can only hope.

Expectations

"Anyone who loves in the expectation of being loved in return is waisting their time."
-Paolo Coelho from The Devil and Miss Prym

I really want to know this statement. I want to know it deep in my heart and live its implications, but I can't seem to. I either try to pretend that I have no expectations (which only works as a momentary solution) or I resign myself to waste my time expecting people to invest in me the way that I invest in them.

I can't remember how to find joy in the loving alone. I am sure that I used to know.

What's in a Pronoun?

Pronoun: a word that is substituted for a noun

Personal pronouns are just that, personal. We are nouns, so our personal pronouns are a reflection of ourselves. In a few letters, they seem to define to the rest of the world a deep part of our identities; personal pronouns succinctly reveal our identified gender.

Imagine, if you will, growing up with an ideal standard of female beauty that was a constant reminder of what you are striving for (this may be a stretch for those of you male-identified folk out there). I am not talking media images or an abstract notion of stereotypical feminine beauty. I mean a real, live human being that you interact with regularly and that you have compared yourself to for as long as you can remember. This person need not abide by the social rules that dictate the feminine mystique or universal appeal, but in your mind this person's whole being exhibits what is means to be a strong, powerful, beautiful woman.

Now, imagine, that template for your strong feminine identity discovers that, in fact, they are not feminine at all. They make the difficult decision to switch to male gender pronouns. They are still the same strong, beautiful, amazing person, but no longer identifying with the female aspect of themselves. While you understand the struggle and the strength embedded in this decision, it can't help but shake, even slightly, a pillar in the foundation on which your own gender identity is built.

All of a sudden those few letters that make up a pronoun seem enormous. The casual abbreviation that, for most of us, has been there to represent us since our first language development now takes on an importance you never thought possible. The trivial is now monumental in your mind.

I amazed how that little substitution for a noun, that isn't even my own, has opened the emotional floodgates.

The Experiment

If you know me, then you know that I generally have a lot to say... in fact sometimes too much to say. It has been said more than once that I am an over-sharer. Now, I am fairly certain that many of my ideas could be quite interesting to other people.

I am a socially progressive, fat, white, female born and raised in San Diego. I have spent a large portion of my employed life working in the field of sex education. I enjoy thinking about how the world works and coming up with thoughtful (albeit, sometimes fairly simplistic) theories about how people work and how people could work better.

After careful thought and some friendly nudging, I have decided that it is time to start organizing some of these theories in a more cohesive and public manner. Here is my experiment: I am starting this blog to share my honest thoughts about life, my privilege, my struggles with my socially progressive upbringing, and my view of sex in my cultural paradigm.

Here goes nothing...