Something Black that Covers the Naughty Parts

Spring is in the air and for those who attend school, that often means Spring Break. I just spent my spring break split between visiting my brother in LA and my parents in San Diego. Southern California spring is much more like summer than most of the rest of the country's spring. The advent of summer in San Diego means blond, tan, beach-going bodies will soon saturate most public spaces and serve as a reminder of how little cloth is needed to actually constitute clothing.

After a successful reintegration to my family's suburban neighborhood, I made the ritual trip to Target Greatland. Floral pattern sundresses (circa the 1970s) and mix and match bathing suits flooded the women's clothing section. While most of them are quite appealing while on the hanger, almost none would actually fit on my body. As a women of a bigger size, probably like women of any size, bathing suit shopping is one of my least favorite activities. I find this ridiculous annual ritual particularly frustrating because of the selection available to me. Most bathing suits that come in "my size" are large floral print, rhinestone studded suits with ridiculously gathered mid sections and atrocious looking skirts meant to cover my hips and ass. Not only do these bathing suits remind me of my grandmother, but they seem to create the opposite affect than intended. I assume that the gathers and the skirt are meant to cover up the parts of the body that we larger women are "uncomfortable" with, but they seem to be the most attention grabbing elements of the suit. I can't imagine anything less neutral and more eye-catching than a curvaceous women sparkling in an brightly colored, over-the-top garden scene, skirt flapping in the summer breeze.

I can't claim to completely love my body and, like many women, I have anxieties about getting into a bathing suit. I wish there were parts that were a little less visible in most bathing suits, but honestly I just want something simple, that stays in place. Just because I am a larger women doesn't mean I want to wear skirts while swimming to cover up my thick hips and bodacious booty. I don't want to look like my grandmother at the beach this summer. Come on, fashion designers, I beg you, pay attention... when looking for a bathing suit I just need something comfortable that fits right, something that doesn't make me feel like a hot air balloon, just something black that covers the naughty parts.